I feel great
I just peed on a car
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize