am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
