I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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