We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
