Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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