Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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