whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
