we're blogging at a bar
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
