i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
