Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
