More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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