i love accidental penises.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
