I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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