last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
