I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
