Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
