i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
