He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
