She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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