so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
