dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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