great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
