i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
