there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
