That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
