hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
