I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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