Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
