Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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