Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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