4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
