swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
