every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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