you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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