Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
