Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
