took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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