This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
