Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
