that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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