Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
