Who did Billy Mays play for?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
