When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
