they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize