dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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