alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
smell my finger.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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