A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
