Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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