You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
