My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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