my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
