i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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