The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I wear drunk well.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
