my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
