Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
