i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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