I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dignity is for republicans.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize