My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
