So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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