Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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