hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
