FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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