Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
