sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
