After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
