come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
sarcasm needs its own font
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
