I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
