Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
